Superfantastik

I am Despondent

2006-10-19T17:53:00.000-04:00

Goodbye, little iPod. The last three years have been amazing. Though nothing can replace you and the good times we shared, a mere $249 is holding me back from a new, black video iPod. So long. Sniff.

We're All Homo...Sapiens.

2006-09-25T11:47:00.000-04:00

I'm so happy to have "The Office" back on TV. Hooray for the return of Fall TV!

Nothing new to report--I was eaten alive by mosquitoes this weekend while we were down the shore, so I'm trying not to scratch all day. The giant nipple-sized one on my thigh is especially pleasant.

The other day we went to the dollar store, where I found this awesome toy. It currently sits atop my desk at work. Check it out:

You can take out the internal organs, rearrange them, and put them back! And they are flourescent colors! Here is a closeup:

Cool, right? There was even a frog version, but I liked the person better. I want to find or construct some clothes for him--maybe some Post-It shorts or a hat made from copy paper...

So I guess you could say it's official...

2006-09-20T09:31:00.000-04:00

Ew

2006-09-12T18:16:00.000-04:00

I was thinking about a few things as I walked to work today. Here they are:

1. Leggings are a scourge on society. I realize that they are super trendy right now, but this woman on the train was wearing some that were black with bright Asian-esque designs that looked like tattoo designs. To top it off, they apparently had been washed so many times that the black background to the crazy design had that gray-white fuzz over it that occurs when you wash black too many times and it begins to fade.

Then another girl had the classic leggings with the fat strip of lace along the bottom. I loved those. When I wore them in third grade.

Seriously, how many more atrocious fashion trends must we be subjected to? I'm cool with giant belts, I'm down with retro-80s flourescent colors, I personally enjoy the gigantic sunglasses, but leggings? I don't think that we can sink any lower than that. Unless, of course, you wear the stirrups on the bottom. Shudder.

2. Look, Janet Jackson. You look good, ok? I realize that you lost a lot of weight and are sporting a kickass body right now. You are sexy, WE GET IT!!!!!! I walk past several newsstands in the morning, and have been visually assaulted by your boobs on several magazine covers. One features a strip of white tape as the only means of covering your nipples. Another one has you wearing a corset and clutching your exposed boobs in a "whoops, I'm so cute and sexy!! way. For reals, Janet (ok, "Miss Jackson," because I'm nasty) I don't want to see any more. Your fake boobs look like grapefruit halves stuck to your body! Please. I'm begging you. We all agree that you are sexy, JESUS! I was even going to post a picture of the cover of Vibe that you grace, but I'm not going to further your media assault. TAKE THAT, JANET!

3. Man, Crystal Light Fruit Punch is delicious. I've had two full pitchers of it in two days. On a slightly disturbing note, the wooden spoon I used to stir it is STILL RED. So all those chemicals and food colorings are inside my body! Probably sticking to my organs and turning them pink as well. But dang, it is so good.

4. Earth, Wind & Fire KICKS ASS. I listen to their songs and just want to dance and/or party.

5. Here is a hilarious picture from my visit to the NY Aquarium at Coney Island back in July. Make note of the fish in the bottom right-hand corner:

2006-08-28T15:27:00.000-04:00

Oh my poor little blog. I neglect you so!

So this weekend was eventful. Some dude crashed into our car that was parked in our lot. He also somehow managed to squeeze his huge SUV between a utility pole and a concrete wall, and then smashed into the back of ours. Cops woke us up by ringing the doorbell at 2:30am. It was so out of a movie--a rainy night, cops ringing the doorbell in the middle of the night...I of course freaked out until I realized that nobody was hurt or anything.

Will and I took some pictures of the aftermath:

Hey! Here's Will, holding what's left of our tail light!

Smashy smash!

Shattered pieces...shattered lives.

At least the weekend ended on a good note: Will's parents came over, and Babs whipped up some gigantic meatballs and "Sunday Gravy!" The meatballs were the size of hamburgers, I swear. See for yourself:

YUM!

Oh, and just so you know--if you cut me, this is what I bleed:

Things I'm Enjoying Lately

2006-08-07T20:40:00.000-04:00

A few things that have been bringing me pleasure lately:

1. Watching "Dog the Bounty Hunter." Will and I have become obsessed with watching this show. How can you not love a guy with hair like that? It has braids and feathers! All of his family is just so crazy and hilarious, and we love it. My favorite part when they apprehend someone is the "pep talk" Dog has with him/her in the car on the way to jail. "Ice will kill you, brah. This is your chance to make things right." It's very touching. And I plan to model all my future outfits after Beth's (the wife). She often wears this wrestling unitard with a bathing suit cover-up as an outfit, accentuating her gigantic rack. Those boobs are weapons!

2. A few weekends ago, I Naired Will's back. Don't worry, he gave me permission to blog about it. He has so much back hair...and chest and shoulder hair as well. He basically has a hair tank top. So I used a buzzer and thinned out the back hair and then used Nair on him. It all came off and he was silky smooth and lovely for about, oh, two days. Now he's all prickly and has a breakout on one shoulder. SEXY!

(I just did a Google image search for "Nair" and like 500 pictures of Indian doctors came up)

3. The East Coast heatwave is "over." Perhaps you've noticed that I used the quotes on that. That's because I'm STILL a sweaty-ass mess by the time I get to work every day! It's useless to even try to do my hair. Though it is still pretty hot out, I do have to admit that the current temperatures are a dream compared to how it was last week. My sister came to visit, and I could have sworn I was in hell as we walked all over Manhattan. We got on the train to head back to Jersey, and I could totally smell my sweaty self--I smelled like I had been to the gym. How hot is that?

4. I'm getting a new cell phone soon! People, if you are thinking of buying a Razr--DON'T!!! We haven't even had ours for a year, and it requires daily charging, even if I never talked on it all day. I'm getting a Sidekick next--it's a lot of phone, and I probably won't even use half the features, but I don't care. I justify it by saying that I'll catch up on email and stuff during the 30 minute train ride each morning/evening. We'll see. (Not likely).

5. Uhhh...I've enjoyed writing this blog entry! I have many pics to post, and once Will and I figure out what's wrong with our USB cord, I will post them. For instance, I captured the magic of Will's very first visit to a Wal-Mart. EXCITING, no?

Warning: Self-Involved Bridal Post

2006-07-12T17:44:00.000-04:00

So let me preface this by saying that nothing stresses me out more than money. Or the lack of it, that is. Add this to trying to plan a wedding, even one so far off as March of 2008, an engaged couple who don't even have a savings account and the ridiculous cost of a wedding and you have me completely shutting down and freaking out about how on earth we are going to afford a wedding, even one that far away.

Will and I finally sat down (after several tries on his part and me getting all weird and silent about it) and made out a plan of the rough costs of the wedding. A very do-it-yourself wedding in my hometown, not a lot of frills or shit that The Knot or whatever tells you is absolutely crucial to having a good wedding. After trimming our guest list as much as I could (although not as ruthlessly as I could have) and adding up the costs of only the facility rental, food and drink, we came up with the lovely number of about $13,000. Not including clothing, rings, decorations, flowers, ANYTHING! So after having a mild heart attack and a couple days to think on it, I realized--I don't want a wedding. I know this will disappoint some who were banking on being a bridesmaid (I'm sorry, Diana!!!) but I just can't do it. Hemmoraging money for one stinkin' day, albeit a beautiful, fun, hilarious day, is something I can't bring myself to do. Never mind that it would take us a year and a half of painful saving to even pull it off. I just can't do it.

So here's what we decided. We're getting married on an island. On the beach. Barefoot, with only our parents and siblings there with us. And know what? The cost of our all-inclusive hotel stay plus the wedding ceremony and meal will cost half of the hometown wedding.

It came down to stress, really. I mean, spending a ton of cash on a wedding that would require tons of work, worry and organization just really pales in comparison to the thought of essentially a vacation where we show up, the wedding planner has taken care of everything, get fed and lay on the beach for several days. Sounds like heaven to me! I'm thinking of St. Lucia...anybody have any suggestions?

I'm in LOVE!!!

2006-06-21T11:58:00.000-04:00

So the other night Will and I ventured to Linens N' Things (GOD how I hate the "N") to pick up a few household items. Particularly this liquor dispenser he wanted that's shaped like an old-fashioned gas pump, and booze actually flows out of the little nozzle like you are pumping scotch into a mini-car. Personally, I think it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen, but it makes him happy so I welcomed it into my home.

At Linens N' Things, much like Bed, Bath & Beyond, there is a gigantic section of Yankee Candles. Let me just say, I am drawn to this section like a moth to a flame. Or like Britney Spears to horrific, ill-fitting outfits (zing!). Anyway, I stand in this section, hunched over and furiously smelling every candle they make like some kind of crazed candle junkie. Clean cotton, fruit smoothie...sigh. They are fabulous. But not the object of a love so pure and true that it inspired me to write this post.

I wander away from the Yankee Candles in a fruity and colorful haze, toward the kitchen accessories section where I might find a pizza cutter. There I see the most glorious sight I've ever laid eyes upon. An entire section of Kitchenaid utensils and accessories in lovely, retro BABY PINK. They are part of a whole set where the proceeds go to this breast cancer fund. Guys, I was beside myself. I picked up an AWESOME pink can opener which looks straight out of the 1950s, as well as some pink measuring cups and spoons. If I had a zillion dollars, I would have bought the whole section and outfitted my kitchen in it's pink glory!

All this setup leads my to the point of my post. We all have one of those items where we really, really want it, but can never really justify buying it. There are usually so many other expenses or bills that take precedence over an item you don't really need, but love and want with such unbridled passion that you can hardly stand it. For me, this item is a Kitchenaid stand mixer. And guys, (prepare yourselves for this earth-shattering announcement) it comes. in . pink. See my baby below:

Isn't it beautiful? I've always wanted a Kitchenaid mixer. I grew up using my mother's--it's totally 70s, and ugly tan color, but it's been hanging in there all these years. But it's totally one of those items that I could never justify spending $300 on. One, because until I moved to the East Coast, I was living at home and had one at my disposal, and now that I've been here, I don't really do enough baking to warrant one. But now that I know it comes in pink...it's mine. I will find a way! Wedding fund, bills, rent be damned!

What is an item you've always wanted but could never bring yourself to purchase because you can't really justify it's necessity?

Things That Disgust Me Lately

2006-06-10T23:47:00.000-04:00

I've been noticing things recently that really disgust me. Some evoke a mild distaste, perhaps a nose crinkle and frown, whereas others make my blood boil in fury. Here they are, in no particular order:

People who spit on the sidewalk.
Look, I know the streets of New York City aren't clean. I'm certainly not going to walk barefoot on it, or eat anything off it. But I can't stand seeing globs of spit just waiting for me to step in them. Even worse is actually watching someone spit on the sidewalk. Gross.

Those Green Tea Frappucinos from Starbucks
Or whatever the hell they are. All I know is that it looks like a cup of blended grass and baby poo, topped with whipped cream.

Job Hunting and People Who Don't Give You the Common Courtesy of a Call Back
While I am not personally looking for a new job, my fiance is, and I am disgusted on his behalf. I know that most people shy away from confrontation, but is it really so hard to just call someone and tell them that they hired someone else, or you don't have the qualifications or just ANY bullshit lie so they aren't left hanging? Especially after my fiance tells you, "no matter how this goes, I'd like a call to know either way," and you reply "yes, of course, I will call you either way." And then you don't. Let's get professional and give some common courtesy. Yes, I know it's a hard world out there, but shit.

And Finally, the Power-Crazed Asshole Tow Truck Owner Who Towed Our Car and Then Was a Jerk Over the Phone
as well as
The Piece of Shit Neighbor Who Called the Tow Truck Company
So, our car got towed this evening. And we fully admit and accept the responsibility that we were parked in a fire lane at my future in-laws' apartments. We were there to drop off their new tv and ended up getting caught talking and hanging out. They are fun people to talk to. Perhaps if you hadn't immediately come at us with douchebaggery over the phone, you'd know that we're all pretty cool and just want to get our car back, no matter what it costs us. But no, you talk a big game and tell Will and my future father-in-law to "come down there." Big talk for someone who won't tell us his name or location. And so, when we have to come pick up the car on Monday after 9AM, you better believe we will have several police officers with us (too bad for you that we know a lot of police and firemen, eh?) who will arrest your ass the second you say anything threatening to any one of us. I don't care if you have a reputation for being "crazy" or sucker-punching customers. And to the neighbor? You better pray I don't find out who you are, because you will have flat tires on your car until you move away. Fuck you both very much.

Six Wacky Things from My Crrrraaaaazy Childhood!!!

2006-06-01T10:50:00.000-04:00

So Lisa (I wish I knew how to link--I am seriously mentally challenged when it comes to doing anything other than writing and posting pictures on this blog, so just click on her name to the right, okay?)has tagged me to share six weird things about my childhood. Hopefully mine will be as hilarious as hers...

1. Something that I still do to some extent today, but was really over the top when I was a child is this sort of nervous tic thing I do when I'm excited. I used to sort of "flutter" my hands--arms straight, but hands doing this weird wiggling. It also grew to include twitching my nose as well, as if I weren't a big enough weirdo. This usually happened when I was fantasizing about or imagining something really amazing or cool happening to me: becoming best friends with Paula Abdul, being given a zillion dollars to buy toys, you get my drift. Also before band and choir concerts, because I was nervous about playing "Go Tell Aunt Sadie" in front of my parents or something. (Inner thoughts of a 5th-grade Lani: "Oh please God, please don't let me squeak or honk on my clarinet!!!" Like I said, WEIRDO!!!)So I still catch myself kind of doing this to some degree now--when I get nervous or have that kind of nervous energy, I will twitch my nose a little bit, and sometimes even find myself wiggling my fingers. Wow--I don't really know how I can top a crazy nervous tic for my remaining five, but I'm gonna try!

2. When I was around 10 or so, I discovered my dad's collection of R. Crumb comics that he had stashed in this old beer crate with a lid. (Also in there: old Playboys and Penthouses--it eventually came to light that I had found them, and they were soon moved to a new hiding place, only for me to find them again. Is it disturbing that I read the Penthouse Forum letters as a pre-teen?)Anyway, how could a kid not be drawn to the R. Crumb comics? Of course I didn't "get" them, but come on--they were CARTOONS. Of cats having three-ways. So what I would do is hide them in a large catalog, usually something along the Sears or Montgomery Wards line, and do the classic "reading a book I shouldn't be reading hidden inside a nondescript, acceptable book." That one never gets old!!! I even shared these comics with my Mormon friend Gigi. Good times. I still love R. Crumb's work--check it out if you get a chance, also the documentary on him and his family, "Crumb," is phenomenal.

3. We had this CD player in the living room with GIANT speakers. My parents never had a tape deck when I was little--I guess my dad was into audio equipment and bought a CD player when they first came out, so that's what we always had (whereas my friends could tape songs off the radio--I was SO JEALOUS! Of a tape player. Yeah.) I grew up listening to oldies--50s and 60s music that my parents always had on. My brother and sister and I would put on these Dick Clark's Greatest Oldies CDs we had--they each featured 20 or 21 songs from a specific year, and dance in the living room. Well, not exactly dancing. Spinning in circles. Sometimes in large skirts that would flow out like a whirling dervish. It wasn't until I was older that I progressed to actual sort of dance moves. But I absolutely loved it, just listening to "Runaway" or "Going to the Chapel" and spinning in circles, dizziness and all. I sort of miss that.

4. Next is my near-death experience. I can't remember if I wrote about this before, but childhood trauma never gets old, right? This was the one time that I can clearly recall, even as a five or six year-old, thinking to myself, "oh my God, I am going to die." An accident, you ask? Falling out of a tree perhaps? Why no, my tragic childhood death was almost caused by a lamp switch. Let me break it down for you: I spent a lot of time as a kid at my grandparents' house. I used to unscrew the lamp switch off of the lamp, and put it in my mouth. Not chew on it, not suck on it exactly, just kind of roll it around on my tongue and keep it in there. Whenever my grandmother caught me, she would warn that one day I was going to choke on it, and to NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!! Being a very stubborn kid, of course I did it many more times until the day it got caught in my throat. That day is still vivid in my mind--I remember standing there, frozen, eyes wide in terror, struggling to get it out of my throat and breathe. Like, I literally had time to think to myself that I was going to die. I finally coughed it up and stood there for a minute, heart pounding, having CHEATED DEATH! I screwed the switch back onto the lamp and never, ever touched it again.

5. My favorite game as a child was what I called "Going West" or alternately, "Prarie House." This was, of course, based on the classic computer game "Oregon Trail" that I was obsessed with. I would pack up my little sister into our wagon, and pull her in circles around the edges of the back yard. This was our long journey West, to our new cabin and a new life! Once we arrived (at the playhouse in the backyard) I would set up our new household, and we'd all do "chores"--washing laundry, making food (made of mud, obviously) and cleaning the house.

6. In eighth grade, my friend Michelle was allowed to come home with me on the bus (I had never been allowed to take the bus home until that year--usually my grandparents picked me up)and we would hang out at my house until her mother came for her after work. Michelle and I discovered Ren & Stimpy that year, and became completely OBSESSED with this R&S game for Sega. We would come home every day and play it for hours and hours, our goal to finally beat the game. I can't even tell you guys how much we played this one game. And we never really fell for a game like that, not Sonic the Hedgehog, not Dracula, nothing! It was R&S or nothing. We finally beat the game and were jubilant. We continued to still play it--doesn't it seem with video games that you play and play and play trying to "beat" it, and once you do, you're able to do it in your sleep? That didn't stop us though. We kept playing until inexplicably, we lost interest and that was that.

Special bonus weirdness: when I was little, I absolutely LOVED the taste of Triamenic "orange" flavored kids medicine. The orange was for stuffy noses or congestion, and I would totally fake these symptoms to get my hands on the stuff. I don't know why, I just loved it. I also used to wait until the kitchen was deserted, or my parents were occupied with something else, and climb onto the kitchen counter and take a swig out of the bottle. Like it was some kind of flask or something!!! My parents never noticed (that I'm aware of) the slowly draining bottle of Triamenic in the cabinet. They are probably reading this now, so HAHAHAH suckers!!! That was me, drinking the Triamenic like it was liquid candy!!! (I also loved the taste of those Woody Woodpecker vitamins that Aunt Kathy had, and that's why I always asked for them--just think, if you had bought them, you would have raised not only a Triamenic addict, but a Woody Woodpecker kids vitamin junkie!).

And that is my childhood weirdness. I would like to hear these sorts of stories from the rest of the crew, like Diana and Matt. Bring it!!!

Randoms, Part Whatever

2006-05-22T12:06:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I didn't blog like I planned this weekend. Luckily for you, I have NOTHING happening at work all week, so I can entertain and titillate you all with my stories all week!

This weekend was Will's birthday, and all he wanted to do on Saturday was relax, sleep and hang out in pajamas all day. Fine by me! And that's all we did--got up at 11, ate and watched tv/movies, took a nap, watched more tv...we only got dressed when his parents took us out to dinner. I just want to say, that I freaking LOVE naps. There is nothing more decadent and wonderful than curling up in my bed in a semi-light room while the rest of the world goes by outside my window. I rarely take naps, but once in a while it's a fab treat. It also doesn't hurt that our bed is the softest, most comfortable pillow-top matress ever. Plus we have this down comforter that is warm but cool against your skin--does that make sense? It's divine.

So there is a modeling agency in my office building. Sometimes there will be a group of models gathered outside smoking when I go out to grab some lunch. I have to bust my way through or around this group, which is ALWAYS pleasant. Like I need to feel even more fat and awkward! Plus it's usually when I'm getting something terrible for lunch, like a huge bowl of pasta or a burger or something. The girl models all look the same--tall, super skinny, and dressed in some sort of short skirt and tall riding-esque boot combo, and the guys all look like gay Europeans.

The Sopranos was awesome last night. Several people that I talk to about this show all have the sentiment that "nothing is happening" this season. I don't know--I've always thought that the psychology of the characters and the dynamics of power have been more interesting than the whackings and stripper sex. At any rate, last night had the perfect mix of character development and blood/gore--I'm loving it so much! I can't believe that there's only one more new one, and then we're back to hiatus. What will I watch all summer? TV-loving friends, please give me some suggestions.

I'm getting dragged to Ikea tonight. Don't get me wrong, I love Ikea. I just find the whole shopping experience there physically and emotionally draining. Plus it's pretty much the last thing I want to do after working all day and commuting back to Jersey. Oh well! I'm getting new curtains out of the deal, so that's pretty cool.

Um...scary!

2006-05-19T11:21:00.000-04:00

So about four minutes ago, there was this INCREDIBLY loud "BOOM!" outside. Loud enough to where the entire office simultaneously said, "what the hell was that?"

It's been raining all morning, so we all assumed it must have been a mutant thunderclap.

But just now, what sounded like 300 emergency vehicles blasting their sirens went by...yipes!!!

Will blog more this weekend. Unless it is the apocalypse.

Moving Sucks

2006-05-08T10:37:00.000-04:00

The title says it all...I'm moving slow today, but the lovely new apartment I live in is worth it!!!

In other news, we rented that movie "Roll Bounce," starring Bow Wow. Um, I'm not gonna lie--I loved this movie. Roller skating, disco, rollerskate DANCING...what's not to love?

Ouch

2006-05-05T11:07:00.000-04:00

You know when something comes out of your mouth that you KNOW you shouldn't be saying? When you have actually thought to yourself, "No, I shouldn't say that. It will only cause distress and hurt someone's feelings."? Yeah, I did that this morning. To someone I love so much, and I am completely raking myself over the coals over it today.

It came out as one of those little throwaway comments that are designed to sound flippant and light-hearted, but you also pretty much "mean" it too, you know? What's worse is that I had been thinking about it yesterday and actually came to the decision that I wouldn't say anything because it wouldn't accomplish anything and would only make him feel bad. And yet I did anyway!! Why? It's so manipulative and sick. What a jerk.

Don't get me wrong--this hasn't caused some giant rift, and I've already been forgiven, but I feel SO SHITTY over it. I'm not going to give the details of the situation, but it's something that he's already sensitive about and I had stupid expectations that don't fit with our current situation, so it just brought him unnecessary hurt feelings. And I'm so astonished that I even said anything--I'd like to think that I'm a fundamentally good person, I have concern for other people's feelings (particularly those of people I love) and would NEVER be so self-centered. I have these moments where I can be a little bit selfish and princessy, and I hate that about myself. I'd like to think that these moments are few and far between. At least, I hope they are. I just feel like such an asshole today.

2006-05-03T16:22:00.000-04:00

So my parents came to visit this past weekend, and we had a great time! My favorite part was when we ate dinner at this Italian restaurant with Will's entire family. It was the loudest, drunkest bunch of Italians you've ever seen! My mother, who can't even finish a wine cooler, drank TWO SHOTS of sambuca!!! It was wild. Plus I kept laughing my head off all night at this jazz band--they were these old guys who sang jazzed-up versions of classic songs, but with those little "asides" during the song, like lounge singers. Do you know what I mean? For instance, the song "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You." Here is a sample lyric: "You're just too good to be true (yeah!), can't take these bloodshot eyes offa you..." and so forth. It was hilarious. And every time the keyboard player (who was wearing a treble clef tie, no less) played ANYTHING, the singer would say, "Rio Clemente, everybody!" and we'd all clap. The best part was near the end of the night when the entire restaurant drunkenly sang along to "Just a Gigolo." Good times.

Here is a photo of Will and my mother on the Staten Island ferry.

I will be so happy one day when everybody has come to visit me and I no longer have to ride the Staten Island ferry. And I totally have no reason to hate it--usually it's a pretty pleasant ride, the view is nice, etc., but...I don't know. It just annoys me somehow. Mostly because I hate having to go ALL the way downtown. Yeah, I'm lazy. Shut up.

The apartment is almost ready and we'll be in by this weekend! It will be so nice to finally have my own space, albeit one without cable until May 10th. Pray for me.

A Place to Hang Your Hat

2006-04-26T10:59:00.000-04:00

So we finally found an apartment!!! Needless to say, this week has been extremely busy. Let me break it down:

Saturday: Will's mom calls some realty company that turns out to be where a neighbor of his sister works. We go see this apartment, like it, worry about how to put the initial money down, and then worry some more. Talk to my parents, who are amazing, and gave us the cashola to get the apartment. I know I have said this before on my blog, but I seriously, totally love and adore my parents. Not because they give me shit, but because they are so supportive and willing to help me in any way. And not even in like a "bailing me out" kind of way, but a "what can we do to help our child" sort of way. No joke, I am so grateful to my parents. (I know you guys are reading this blog now, so don't let this go to your heads, hee hee!)

Sunday: (I spend this day in bed, sick and yucky)With the relief of knowing that my awesome parents are making the apartment happen for us, we begin to think of how to decorate, where to put stuff, etc. The apartment is old--they built it in 1960, and it's brick with only 13 apartments in the whole thing. The kitchen is pretty large, with old-school formica cabinets and countertops (probably original). The front room is huge, with hardwood floors and windows, as is the bedroom. Everything is painted this fug peachy tan, so that's getting covered up. The best part is the bathroom. It's blue. Like ALL blue. It's very retro--blue tub, low, wide, blue sink, blue toilet, blue tile...the works. I love it. We are decorating it with a sushi theme.

Monday: We make plans to meet with the realty place to turn over some checks and fill out paperwork to get the apartment. They previously told us that we couldn't get the keys until Thursday (our lease technically doesn't begin until 5/1). Will picks me up from the train, as the world's worst headache begins to form in my noggin. Guys, I don't even know how to describe this headache. I mean, I guess it was a migraine, but having never had one (to my knowledge) I can't be sure. It was basically the worst pain I have ever felt in my head. This is what it felt like:

Meanwhile, we get a call saying that the owner of our building/landlord wants to meet us that night too. So now I'm in excruciating pain, trying not to cry, and now I have to be "on." Well, to make a long story short, we go, we hand over the scratch, meet the owner and her son, who are adorable and love us, and they give us the keys early!!! So that was good.

Tuesday: Will and I spend 2.5 hours at IKEA after work. Both of us are getting sicker, and I'm stressed over how much crap we need, and how much it's gonna cost. We buy our stuff and drop it off at the apartment. I have a chance to look at it again, and realize that things are much older looking than I remembered, and the paint is worse than I remembered, and the metal closet doors have rust dots on them...it's all stuff we can fix, and it will look like a new place when it's painted and our stuff is all set up. We go home and crash.

Today (Wednesday): Both of us wake up even sicker. I have a cough attack on the train into work, and people probably thought I was some kind of diseased Typhoid Mary and need to be quarantined. This would be me, if I were, in fact, Typhoid Mary:

Will is feeling horrible, and yet is going to Home Depot to buy paint and then go paint the entire apartment by himself today. He wants us to move in by tomorrow, which is the day my parents arrive.

So..stressful. But kind of fun, because it's like the next step on our life together, you know? Today is even our anniversary. It's all kind of coming together, which is nice. Yay for new apartments!

Randoms

2006-04-21T11:54:00.000-04:00

Howdy. It's been a while, I know. And you have a right to be sad. I really don't have a good excuse, other than laziness and a busy work schedule. I'm sorry. Let's put this behind us. I will try to do better on updating this blog, I swear! You know it's only you I care about. Sure, I spend time reading other blogs and various websites, but I think of this blog the whole time, I promise!!! Salon.com means nothing to me!

Uh...clearly I'm in a mood today. And I have very little to talk about, but I feel guilty because it has been almost a month since I posted last. Life has been busy with apartment hunting, which is incredibly depressing. I don't want to move too far away from where we currently are, but no places ever call us back to come look at them, or if we have questions it's like a wild goose chase trying to find someone to talk to about them. I don't get it--don't the management companies or landlords or whoever WANT to rent out the apartments? What's the point of being unreachable by prospective tenants? Don't they want to make money? It's bizarre, annoying and exhausting. Will and I are currently residing in his parents' house, which is another, longer, expletive-filled blog posting altogether. I love his parents to bits, but they make me crazy. So, needless to say, this is why we are on the apartment hunt right now. 'Nuff said.

In other news, I have a painful zit on the inside of my nose today. Like, on the top of the inside of my nostril. I pushed up my nose to take a look (making the always-attractive "pig face") and yup--a big, ugly, painful guy sitting right there. I'll spare you the details, but I took care of that sucker, and it hurt. Bad.

I've been spending money like a drunken sailor in the past week or so. Not on a lot of stuff, but some bigger purchases. I have this guilt thing about the two pairs of shoes and new sunglasses I bought. I mean, I'm making more money now, and basically I've been living as if I make the same amount I USED to, and using the rest of the money to pay off bills (like my awesome Neiman Marcus card--getting that thing was the worst mistake EVER!!!)Does that make sense? So essentially the raise I got has been going to pay off my credit cards, so it's essentially like I make what I used to make. To be fair, I don't have a lot of debt, and I've made some really good progress on paying these things off, in a short period of time. I expect to be debt-free by the end of summer. And this is even after spending $600 on fun, "Lani" purchases too. The guilt thing I referenced above is that I feel like I should be doing more with the money--like, rather than spending that money on new shoes, I should have paid MORE of my debt off, or helped Will with some of his bills (because what's mine is his and vice-versa, so I should be helping him out too). And Will is a doll, because he knows I'm the "breadwinner" right now, and he said that he'd never tell me how to spend my money and that he's glad I have some new things that make me happy. So...what's my point here? Money sucks. I should be saving for the wedding, but instead I'm buying these:

Those are SO TALL--they are 4 inches tall, and I feel like a giant in them! They are pretty comfortable though, because of the wedge heel. Whee!

Oh, and these:

They haven't arrived yet--but I'm pretty excited. I love J. Crew shoes!!!

My parents are coming to visit next week--the first time they have come to visit since I moved out here! That's pretty exciting. I'm thinking about all the stuff to show them--I know my mom wants to hit Central Park, and I think we've planned an Ellis Island trip for one of the days. Then we will have some fun Jersey-tastic times too. So that should be fun. They are also meeting Will's parents for the first time, PLUS staying in their house. Oh, and I get to sleep on a futon for 4 nights. Lucky me.

Ugh

2006-03-30T20:58:00.000-05:00

So tonight Will surprised me when he picked me up from the train by taking me to his favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner. (Mexicali Rose, for those who want to know).

No complaints about the food. However, I do have complaints about the decor. It looked like someone had gone to a bunch of yard sales and bought up any kind of artwork (or "artwork") that looked remotely Mexican, Southwestern or Indian. And while I enjoy campy themes, I have to say that the piece that was placed right next to our table was particularly hideous. Take a look for yourself:

Gross, right? Like I want to look at some old bag's toothless mug while I'm trying to eat my tacos. Here's a closer look:

Will couldn't believe that I was taking pictures of this at dinner, whereas I couldn't believe that someone thought this was a good choice for artwork in a restaurant where people are trying to eat.

Anyway, just thought I'd share.

Dang

2006-03-28T18:00:00.000-05:00

So AZ was great--Will loved it, the family and friends loved him...it was great! I'm so bummed out that I didn't get to see a few people--Trish, Kane, Lisa--but the four days we were there went SO quickly!

Here are some of my favorite photos from the trip:

No trip to AZ is complete without eating at Bill Johnson's Big Apple. I LOVE their patty melts. YUM!

Us with a wooden Indian. You can see the creepy reflection of my mother in the mirror behind me, so it looks as if I have a second mini-head.

This is at Papago Park...I love Arizona skies.

Me and my adorable cousin--could she be any cuter with the missing teeth? Seriously, her cuteness is ridiculous.

Everyone loves this picture of us. Too bad it was totally staged! My friend Kevin told me to look at Will all "in love" and so we were laughing about it. So I guess it's kind of staged but kind of not. It's cute though.

This one freaking kills me with the cuteness. It's Will and my friend's little baby son. It's like, "hey, here we are, two guys...just chattin'" Adorable.

And that is my trip in a photographic nutshell!

In other news, as of this weekend I am a proud resident of the state of New Jersey. Good thing I have plenty of velour yoga pants and blonde highlights. I can feel myself getting tanner already! :)

Irish Eyes are Smiling

2006-03-07T09:21:00.000-05:00

To my AZ Peeps:

Will and I will be in AZ next week. I'm thinking of taking over my parents' house and having a St. Patty's day extravaganza (ok, a bbq and some beer) and you all are invited! I hope you haven't made plans for Friday, March 17th, because I expect to see you on the West Side, suckas!

2006-03-06T17:37:00.000-05:00

Things are happenin' baby!

Many things have been going on lately, and I know I've been neglecting my little blog here. You know when things just kind of work out? Like, after all the times you think, "If only I made more money, if only I had a great boyfriend, if only I had a job I cared about, if only I could pay off my credit cards...," and then BAM! It all kind of happens in a short period of time. This, my friends, has happened to me. You guys already know that Will has "happened" to me, and I'm deliriously happy with him and we're planning to get married one day (we say we are currently "engaged to be engaged")so I'll refrain from revisiting that. He's great, I'm great, we're beyond great together.

So! I got a new job. It's a really good job, and the people I work with are great, and I'm actually ENJOYING what I'm doing, unlike before. At my last job, I didn't "mind" working there--it wasn't like I woke up each day and dreaded even going in, it was more of a feeling of doing mindless, unimportant work. Not that my current job is changing the world or feeding starving people or anything, but it's a job that I like and enjoy doing. The best part of all of this is that I feel like I'm actually making a salary that I'm worth. I know that you don't get to just make a shitload of money right away--I'm only 25, and you need to pay your dues, blah blah blah, but I was getting seriously depressed. Plus living in NYC, you see that this is really the center of the universe as far as all this money to be made and I was making NONE of it. You know? It sucked. Maybe I have paid my dues, because in taking this job, I am now making $17,000 MORE a year than I was before. Not bad, right?

The money thing is really good, because I feel like I can finally take control of my life and deal with issues I don't like. Mainly, I don't like dealing with money. Well, let me rephrase that: I don't like having to be RESPONSIBLE with money. I am the type of person who chooses to ignore things I don't want to think about, not open mail, etc. So this new job and stuff has really given me the opportunity to kind of get it together. I have NEVER had a savings account. Ever. Now I have all these exciting thoughts of paying off credit cards and buying an IRA. Maybe this is a side effect of meeting the person I'm going to marry--perhaps I'm settling down? Before you get all worried though, I'm not too different--I still salivate at the thought of buying high-end handbags (or "large totes" hahaha). I'll have to keep that in check.

So anyways, there's no real point to this post other than I'm happy and I feel like I can get things accomplished and my life is settled and la la la...

Ok, I know because you are DYING to hear it, I will tell you a Will story. So this weekend I wake up and have to use the restroom, but I was trapped on the inside of the bed and had to crawl over Will to get out. Before I can do so, I notice he is sleeping in a strange position. He's on his side, facing me, with his legs slightly bent. The best part? His right hand is under his pajama pants and boxers, essentially CARESSING HIS OWN ASS!!! If I had been coherent enough, I would have taken a picture, because it. was. awesome.

I apologize in advance

2006-02-24T14:30:00.000-05:00

Yes I have not blogged in forever. But many of my friends haven't either, so I don't feel too badly. (Diana, I'm looking in your direction). And while I know that the lamest thing I could do to update my blog is post one of those "get to know me" emails that circulate, that's precisely what I'm going to do. So here you go--I promise to actually write an orgininal, non-photo-based blog at some point. I swear!

Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. Church Nursery Babysitter (thanks for hooking me up, Grandma!)
2. Movie Theater Concession Stand worker (shudder)
3. Customer service at Bed, Bath & Beyond (double, no, TRIPLE shudder! I’ve never stepped foot in one since I worked there. I hated it THAT MUCH.)
4. Project Manager at an advertising agency

Four movies I'd watch over and over:
1. Strictly Ballroom (my fave of all time)
2. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (never gets old)
3. Sixteen Candles (Oh, sexy girlfriend!!!)
4. Legends of the Fall (this one produces that cathartic crying jag, that I’m sure many of you know all too well.)

Four places I have lived:
1. Phoenix, AZ
2. Tucson, AZ
3. Brooklyn, NY
4. SOON to be Belleville, NJ (yay Jersey!)

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Project Runway
2. Veronica Mars
3. American Experience on PBS (yes, I’m a nerd-shut it)
4. The Sopranos. (There is no limit to the love)

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. St. Petersburg, Florida
2. Rome
3. Paris
4. San Diego (my one and only “spring break” vacation during college, and we only went so we could go to see the Van Gogh exhibit at LACMA—again, yes, I’m a nerd.)

Four websites I visit daily:
1. Gawker
2. Go Fug Yourself
3. Television Without Pity
4. Blogs of various friends

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Pizza
2. A Chipotle Burrito (I could eat one every day)
3. Steak (another food I could eat every day, and not get tired of.)
4. Chocolate

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. On a beach in Bermuda
2. Eating many delicious carb-filled foods.
3. Dropping a grand on a new handbag.
4. Hanging out with Will.

I am tagging the usual crew. Get to it, suckas!!!

Who Doesn't Love a Man in a Do-Rag?

2006-01-25T15:15:00.000-05:00

Seriously, how cute is Will?

Hands off, ladies. He and his do-rag are all mine.

...Until We Gave Them the Gift of Our Cuisine

2006-01-24T15:00:00.000-05:00

I know I've blogged about this before, but I freaking LOVE "The Sopranos." I know that everybody else has loved this show for five years now, but since I'm just discovering the depth of my feelings about this show, you all must bear with me. Or engage in lively discussions of the show. Yay!

Anyway, so I'm midway through Season 3 now--I watched the episode (well, I actually watched three) where Dr. Melfi is attacked. I'm not going to worry about spoilers at this point, because let's face it, it HAS been five years now. That was such an awesome episode. I loved how it ended on a shot of her bruised face and all she says is, "No." AWESOME!!! Loved it.

Here are my feelings about several of the characters:

Tony: I can't exactly describe my feelings about him. I mean, I like him, a lot, but then he has these character traits that make me dislike him--not the whacking people or anything, but the casual racism, letting Janice come in and generally act like an idiot, resistance to Dr. Melfi's help. Despite these flaws, I just love his character. And anybody who says "mudduh" is alright by me.

Carmela: Um, how much do I love her? My friend Sabrina says that she wants to be Carmela when she grows up--I totally agree. Except for the large hair. That's too much upkeep.

Meadow: I know that I'm dealing with her surly teenage years at this point in my watching, but I CAN'T STAND HER!!! She is such a huge brat. And her voice is annoying.

AJ: I have a thing for the awkward, quiet, chubby kids. He is adorable.

Paulie Walnuts: So funny. I have a little crush.

Janice: I cannot STAND Janice. She is such a selfish, annoying opportunist. That whole thing with Livia's records and the Russians? Ugh. There are no words to describe The Hate.

Livia: I would have slapped this old lady silly.

Bobby Bacala: is my #1 favorite. He is so gentle and nice, even when Junior is mean to him.

Furio: My #2 favorite, for the clothes and ponytail alone.

My favorite moment so far, aside from the Dr. Melfi one I mentioned above, is when Tony flashes back to a memory of his father wanting to get in on some action in Reno and Livia is saying how she'd smother her children to death before she moved to Reno. I love when he mentions it to her at the nursing home (it's a retirement community!) and says something along the lines of how if she had come after the feminist movement, she'd "be the real gangster." Man, that scene was awesome.

Anyway, I know this post is 5 years too late, but I'm seriously loving this show.

JLH, Disco Fever & Other Thoughts

2006-01-19T14:11:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting at my desk, stinking of tanning lotion. I have this coworker who loves to go tanning, and talked me into going because she gets a free tan if she refers someone, plus I get two free for going. So I caved and went. (Diana, remember when we used to go in college? Sigh.) Frankly, I love the tanning salon. It's warm, relaxing and you get some color. This place, especially, is super high-tech and nice. When you sign in, they do a fingerprint scan to sign you in. I feel so covert doing it, like I'm using my fingerprint to gain entry into a restricted area in the Pentagon or something. (Yeah, I watch too much television).

However, something disturbing in the back of my mind while I am tanning (because we all know I always think of the scary, bad things first) is one: SKIN CANCER!!! and two: I remember that "I Know What You Did Last Summer" where the murderer locks Jennifer Love Hewitt in the tanning bed. PLUS there's a new "Final Destination" movie coming out I saw the trailer for and a girl gets locked in one and burned all up. So...I'm always sticking my hand out the opening to make sure it's not totally shut. What a freako! I think I just need to stick to sun + summer+ beach=tan.

I'm also enjoying this new radio station I discovered that plays ONLY dance music. Awesome early '90s stuff, 80s and a TON of disco. My cubicle is like a gay disco! It makes me remember all these old songs I loved as a kid, plus I loooooove disco. Not "Shake Your Booty" or "Disco Inferno" or anything obvious like that, but the songs that I picture all the bridge and tunnel folks coming into NYC to the disco clubs to dance all night in the 70s. You know, like John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever." That or I picture myself in a gold dress, gold heels, feathered (blonde) hair, dancing the night away in a club like Studio 54, cocaine floating down from the ceiling like snow...I smoke long cigarettes in this fantasy, something like a Virginia Slim or Misty, and have a Brooklyn accent. Don't judge me.

Um...I don't really know how to recover from that last section and continue into having a normal blog entry. I have some pics I'd like to post, but I'm running into issues with the site I use to put my pictures up. I can't win with these! Isn't there one that's easy to use SOMEWHERE? Suggestions are welcome in the comments section.

Ok, I have to go. Debbie Gibson's "Only in My Dreams" just came on the radio and I can't possibly concentrate enough to finish a coherent blog.

Random Musings

2006-01-05T10:59:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year to everyone, even though it's FIVE days late!

So I'll just launch right in. I was thinking about this as Will drove me to work this morning: something I've noticed mostly in NYC, but also in other places, is our indulgence of people who claim to be "artists." I mean, I'm hardly the first person to blog about how sometimes "art" is just a bunch of crap thrown together, but let me tell you about what prompted this. Along the route we take to my office, we pass this small community park. There are tons of them all over the city, and usually the neighborhood residents take care of it, or plant gardens and whatnot. This particular park, on Avenue B, has this GIGANTIC pile of shit that is apparently some artistic display. I will take a picture of it for you tomorrow, but I'll try and do it justice with a description here. So it is made of wood,with all these giant beams fashioned into a sort of quasi-teepee shape, though not so pointed at the top. There is at least one platform built in the middle of it, along with other boards and beams leaned against it. What really makes this artistic display piss me off is that there are tons--perhaps 100--toys randomly attached to this structure. Stuffed animals, figurines, and the like are haphazardly thrown on there, and are bleached and faded from the sun and weather. Huh? It looks like the dump, and this is gracing a community park? Gross. I don't understand. Maybe the artist is making a statement about the gluttony of our consumerist society? That children are selfish and demand toys that ultimately end up as trash? Who cares. It's a heap of shit in the middle of an otherwise nice neighborhood park.

I love discovering shows several years after everyone else. Mostly because they are available on DVD and I can watch the entire season in one weekend. Recently it was Nip/Tuck. But this past holiday weekend, I discovered that my on-demand option for HBO will be offering the first five seasons of The Sopranos in anticipation of the new season (I guess in March). Currently, season one is available to watch, so I randomly decided to watch the pilot episode to see if I liked it. Well, let me tell you--two days and thirteen hours of television later, I can honestly say that I am a fan. What's even more fun is that because of my transition into a Jersey girl, I recognize places in the show. For instance, in the intro sequence, they show Pizza Land--this place Will and I pass all the time on the way to his parent's house. Or when Uncle Junior tried to have Tony whacked at the newsstand--he was in Montclair, the town that Will and I will be moving to in the spring. The only problem with discovering shows after everyone else is that I have nobody to discuss the show with. I can't gather with my coworkers and say "hey, what do you think happened to Big Pussy?" and everyone is like "dude, that was 5 years ago." Oh well. I can't wait until season two is available.

I'm currently in the midst of a new job search. I had a great interview last night with another, smaller (and way hipper and less-corporate) agency. Keep your fingers crossed for me! I just realized that even though I have perks here, like being able to leave at 5pm usually, and the gym across the street, I just don't get paid enough to balance out my dislike of the job. So...I'm on the hunt. Hopefully this one I interviewed for will pan out, because it's fun, busy and pays a bunch more than now! Plus it is in a really cool area.

Um...what else? I went to the gym the other day (the first time since before the holidays...loooong before, haha)and I am JACKED UP. My neck hurts, my back hurts, my entire body. I am like a creaky old lady when I try and get into bed now. I'm going again today, hopefully to work all this stiffness out.

Anyway, that's pretty much it for me. Sorry for my lack of posts lately--I can't find my camera cord (again!) and have been feeling uninspired. Don't think it means that I don't love you though!!!!

I am LAZY

2005-12-12T14:25:00.000-05:00

So I found this hilarious picture I had forgotten about:

This is a picture of my brother, in the airport parking garage at Sky Harbor (Terminal 3, for those who are interested) after my family picked me up the last time I visited.

By sheer luck, my dad parked next to a random assortment of garbage that someone had tossed out of his car: a plastic bag full of crap, a pizza box and...a pie. Not even in a box or anything!!! I was so intrigued by this--first of all, maybe the pie was bad, but do you really throw your garbage out of your car in the airport parking garage? It just makes no sense. Also, who has an unwrapped/unboxed pie just loose in his car? There are so many questions. At any rate, I laughed my head off about this little scene for a good ten minutes, and had my brother pose as if he had dropped his precious load of garbage and pie. Good times.

More pictures for you all today. We got our first snow last week, and I captured a couple photos of the event:

Here's Will cleaning the snow off his car so he can drive me to work, while also dodging the many snowballs I kept throwing at him. Seriously, it snows and I turn into a 12-year-old.

One question for you, readers: what is the first thing you notice in this photo? That's right--my gigantic nostril!!! I am all nostril in this picture.

And another random one for ya from the trip to PA. Will was riding around like a maniac on the quads, and decided to do a wheelie for us:

His mother was dangerously close to choking him to death after this stunt.

In other news...there is none, because I am boring! I have begun the journey into season one of Nip/Tuck. I know some of you are devotees, and I just want to say that it feels pretty good to be among your ranks now.

Oh, speaking of television, I have a small rant. While I love the holidays, I hate that little break that my favorite shows take during December. Seriously, no new Veronica Mars until January? Gee, Merry Christmas to me. Thanks, UPN!!!

uh, yeah

2005-11-29T19:50:00.000-05:00

So not only did I actually get to post that "Lani needs" blog, but it posted three times. Maybe I should check my own blog once in a while. DUH!

Finally

2005-11-29T19:35:00.000-05:00

Guys, I'm sorry. I know it has been forever since I posted something new. I had all these kickass photo blogs planned, and then couldn't find my camera cord for the computer. I'm still looking. I picture you all, huddled at your desks in despair that I haven't updated for weeks. Well brighten up my little cupcakes, your long-awaited blog is here!

In all fairness, I did actually write the "Lani needs" post only to have my computer spaz out and lose it. I was too disheartened at that time to try and recreate the brilliance.

Um, so lots has been going on. I missed out on Thank God I'm Not in High School Anymore Day because all my embarrassing photos are still in Phoenix. I will have my mother find some and send them to me, and I'll post them at a later date.

So since I last posted, many things have happened. One, I went to Pennsylvania for the first time with Will's family for a weekend. It was my first time meeting his parents, his sister & brother-in-law and niece and nephew. I was sort of nerve-wracking, because even though I usually do really well with parents, I just wanted them to like me SOOO bad that I had a stomache ache for a couple days. Well, my worries were ridiculous and we all got along great and they are so much fun. And the Jersey accents? Amazing. I've never heard people actually say "youse" in conversation. I freaking love it. I got to ride on ATVs and stuff all on these country roads--when Will was driving, it was like Nascar and I feared for my life. Basically we hung around this big fire and ate and drank all weekend. Fun times.

Thanksgiving was a treat--I hope you all had good ones. I got to meet Will's other sister and her husband and kids, plus I got the "thumbs-up" from his adorable grandma, so I'm in, y'all! I even got to see more of South Jersey, where his sister lives. I'm getting quite the Jersey education. All the better for when I move there. Yes, groundbreaking news that I have buried three paragraphs deep. Will and I talked and we are going to move in together when my lease is up in May. And I will be moving to Jersey. Trish--we will live in the same state once again!!!

Um...so that's kind of it for now. Oh, I actually have more news. Distressing, horrible news. I will not be coming to AZ for Christmas. I can't get enough time off work to justify the $500 plane ticket to only come for 2 days. Will and I will definitely be there in March for at least 7 days, and I might even come for a long weekend before then.

As I've looked over this post, it's totally more like an email I should be sending you guys instead of some witty blog posting. Oh well. Hopefully I'll find my camera cord soon and can entertain you with photos again. Plus that means I don't have to write anything. HAHAHAHA!

I Got What You Need

2005-11-23T10:40:00.000-05:00

So, I realize it has been an extremely long time since I posted. Sorry, guys! I have fun pictures of Pennsylvania to post but I can't find my camera cord. Also, I had to bag out of "Thank God I'm Not in High School Anymore Day" because I have no pictures of myself from high school in NY. I'll ask my parents to send me some, plus look really hard for my cord this weekend, I swear!

Anyway, since I need to post, I will play the Google game that I was sort of tagged for. Here goes!

1. Lani needs to work on her footwork and her backhand. This is very true. I never play tennis so I'm pretty certain my backhand needs work. However, I'm pretty confident in my footwork.

2. Gregor finds Lani intriguing and definitely delectable. His fantasies are getting out of hand when he finds that Lani needs his help rescuing her nephew ...
Wow. I had no idea Gergor felt this way about me. And excellent use of the word "delectable."

3. lani is truly visionary — proving every day that solar power is integral to meeting hawaii’s energy I have worked long and hard to draw attention to Hawaii's solar power energy needs.

4. Lani's mother finally feels that Lani has the protection she needs. "Lani is my hope. I lost Tara, and I'm not going to lose Lani, too. This is a lot of pressure--and I wonder who Tara is.

So, since my name is sort of uncommon, there really aren't any other results to post here--there are a lot of mentions of various resorts in Hawaii with the name Lani in them.

Lazy Post

2005-11-08T19:00:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting at my desk at work, it's 7pm, and I'm trying to think of shit to write about, and it's just not working. I tend to be one of those people who write when they are angry or depressed or whatever other negative feelings that seem to spark my writing.

Anyway, I can't think of anything to write about because I am happy lately. Like, ridiculously so. An amazing guy has come into my life and frankly, I've never been happier. So I'm going to be lazy and post pictures I took of me and Will this morning in a car photo shoot as he drove me to work. Enjoy!

I love this next photo, because my art direction was "let's look like models." Well, Will looks exactly the same as always, and I look like a fat Karl Lagerfeld:

Just him. Sigh.

I refrained from going on and on about him to you guys, so you don't puke or anything. I hope you appreciate that, because I could talk about him all day. I promise to think of an actual topic next posting. See ya, suckas!!!

Yay!

2005-10-27T13:04:00.000-04:00

Say hello to the cutest boyfriend ever:

Thank you, State of New Jersey, for producing the comedy stylings of Trish and Lisa, Bon Jovi and the sweetest guy I know.

Friends, please meet Will and his gigantic lady drink :)

I Could Go On Singing...

2005-10-22T15:44:00.000-04:00

So yeah, there is a new boy in the picture. I think my face is going to break from smiling so much lately.

Bad Times, but Funny Story

2005-10-20T16:27:00.000-04:00

So here is the latest in the saga of Lani:

Tuesday at work, I'm walking back to my desk from the fax machine (like any other day) when I catch my toe on the corner of my desk drawers. Of course, I'm wearing flip flops, and of course, the metal corner of the desk tears a very deep hole in my left big toe. I proceed to sit at my desk and do that "silent scream" where your mouth is open, and you want to scream, but no sound will come out--you know what I'm talking about? By this time, blood is pouring out and into my flip flop. I look down, and I hit my toe on the corner with such force, it actually PRIED the metal up from the corner, so now it's sticking out, waiting for it's next victim. A coworker walks by and noticies my distress, and gasps loudly so ALL my coworkers know what happened. Soon, I am surrounded by four people who are helping me try and stop the bleeding. HR is called, and since they are trained in first aid, they descend upon me and patch me up. Everyone is telling me that I should go to the emergency room, but being the baby that I am, I refuse.

So a few hours later, the cut has stopped bleeding, I've had it wrapped up, and I was starving for lunch. I stick my flip flop back on, and by the time I get to the elevator, blood is gushing out onto my shoe again. By this time, HR flips out and tells me that I AT LEAST need to go to an urgent care to have it cleaned. So my coworker Kristin accompanies me to go out and try and catch a cab. Well, you would think that in fucking NEW YORK CITY, there would be a cab to take me to the doctor. On 34th Street. Tourist Mecca. NOPE! We end up having to take the freaking bus. Yes, the BUS! Not that the bus is bad, I've taken it before, it's just...not with a bleeding foot. So all these old ladies on the bus start asking me what happened and sharing their tales of broken bones and whatnot. Soon, all of the passengers know that I have a foot injury.

We arrive at the doctor, and it is quickly assessed that I must go to the emergency room for stitches. People, I have never even been to the emergency room with anyone else, ever! And I've certainly never had any kind of "procedure" or stitches or anything! So again, no freaking cabs will pick us up. Kristin, PMS-ing, is screaming at them in her Jersey accent "What, do I have fucking CAB REPELLENT on?" and I'm trying not to pee my pants laughing at this. We end up taking the bus to the ER (hey, it makes a funny story now) but it didn't exactly drop us off at the ER. I had to walk on the hurt foot for one long city block and two short ones. Good times.

But all in all, despite my fear of the ER, it was an okay experience. It only took about three hours, and my roommate John came to be with me. I had the hottest doctor sew me up, and we had some witty comedic banter back and forth. Three stitches and one tetanus shot later, I'm on my way to recovery. At least it was an adventure, right?

Hey Rookie! You were good.

2005-10-16T11:35:00.000-04:00

Randoms....

So you guys who read my previous posts will not believe this, but I was flipping through channels last night, and guess what was on? That's right--"My Antonia" starring....you guessed it...Neil Patrick Harris AKA tv's Doogie Howser!!! How young was he when he was on that tv show? Because I know this movie was made after the show was over, and he seriously looked like he was 12. They put some glasses on him and he tried to make his voice deeper, but he was clearly an adolescent.

In Diana's most recent post, she asked asked a question about what you would do if you could go back in time and change something you regret. I thought I'd post my story here, because as we all know--this blog is my confessional where I spill out all my neuroses for all of you to experience! Haha. So, my most regretted moment. My grandfather used to drive me to school every day, from kindergarten up until high school. One day in about fourth grade or so, he was driving me to school and I was mad at him for some stupid reason. Probably he wouldn't buy me something I wanted or whatever--I as a brat like that. When we arrived at school, instead of giving him ahug and kiss goodbye like usual, I got out of the car and strode away with purpose, with conviction. In all my self-righteous glory. He called out after me, "Oh, come on!" and was partly out of the car. I turned back and looked at him, and then turned back around and kept walking. What a horrible person, right? I felt so horrible then and still feel terrible about it. This is more than ten years since he's been gone. I don't know if the memory that's burned into my mind is the most accurate description of what happened--I may have embellished my icy look back at him in my mind in a sort of masochistic sense of guilt. But the basic events are the same, and if I could go back and change anything I've done in my life, that would be it. He was truly the greatest man I've ever known, and of course he forgave me and loved me despite my brattiness, but I've always felt shitty about doing that. Whew! This is better than therapy! Haha.

Look at this adorable picture of my mom and my newborn cousin, Sami:

My mom is so magical and cute. Love her!

Yesterday I had a manicure (I will never stop getting manicures. They are $10 and like 20 minutes of pure relaxation and prettiness and good times. I finally caved yesterday and got the 10 minute massage too. Um, can we say "OW?" It was so incredibly painful--this guy was brutal! It felt good afterward, but I swear I probably have bruises on my neck.

Anyway--that's it for me and my boring life.

I don't know

2005-10-11T05:36:00.000-04:00

So it's 5:36 AM and I've been awake an unable to sleep for the past half hour. Last night, the boys, a couple other friends and I went out to dinner to celebrate our friend Natalie's upcoming wedding. Since she's Mormon, we refrained from buying the usual accoutrements used to embarrass brides-to-be; penis tiaras, velour pants that say "BRIDE" across the ass...you know. We did buy a veil we made her wear for a while. Of course, we looked like idiots at the High Line, this Thai restaurant in the Meatpacking District. We were incredibly uncool.

One thing that struck me while I was there (and I originally didn't want to go--I was feeling incredibly depressed, and hadn't stopped crying since I arrived home from work, but John promised me drinks and dinner were on him. Who am I to refuse free food and cosmos?) That was a long little "aside." Where was I? Oh yes, one thing that struck me at dinner was the irony that here I am celebrating a marriage on a day that my love life has completely come crashing down around me. My method of dealing with such emotional turmoil? You got it--drinking two cosmos on an empty stomach. Of course I was instantly drunk, and provided much of the evening's entertainment.

Just another quick aside: I've been accused of vilifying the man I mentioned as being "mediocre" in my previous post. I'll admit it, I knew it would hurt and I was hurt and that's why I wrote it. But since only my dear Phoenix friends read my blog, I don't think I was announcing it to the world. At any rate, all of you on the vast internets who might someday read that post--keep in mind I was upset! I tend to write things on the fly and especially when I'm emotional. So, sorry, guys. Disregard that comment.

On to happier topics--here are some pictures from the dinner. Thankfully I don't look too wasted in them!

At the height of my drunkenness:

John looking fabulous with wedding decor:

Natalie (the bride), me, and my ridiculously beautiful model friend Shelley.

So that was my night. Life is funny.

Not feeling inspired...

2005-10-09T18:14:00.000-04:00

...so I'm going to copy Diana, who copied Matt and post in the same format as them. Sorry, guys!

How I'm feeling: I don't even know how to answer this one. Okay, I guess. There's a lot of bullshit going on in my life right now. Aside from the crushing disappointment and resulting anger of finally recognizing the mediocrity of someone I thought was special, I'm doing okay. My feelings about my job have moved from a mild distaste to unabashed hatred. I'm sick of dealing with problems, I'm sick of getting 800 phone calls and emails per day, I'm sick of the CEO not even acknowledging me, even though I sit right outside of his office and see him every day. My dearest friends here are moving away to Phoenix in a month...there's just a lot going on. But I guess it could be worse. In better news, I've discovered the joys of yoga, and am taking my general anger and bitterness toward life (which will only last for a bit, anyway) and channeling it into working out at the gym. Seriously, there is no better motivator than fury.

What I'm listening to: I haven't purchased much new music lately, so it's pretty much the same old iPod selection. Though a song I can listen to over and over again is the remix of "We Belong Together" by Mariah. It's fab. Also, I have raided my friend John's iTunes and snagged some Salt N' Pepa, Tori Amos and a few others. I also have discovered (like a year later than the rest of the world) Loretta Lynn's "Van Lear Rose" album. Awesome. Okay, so as I was typing this, I went into iTunes and purchased the song "Be My Baby" by the Ronettes--it wasn't available on iTunes before, and I just happened to check just now and it's there!!!! YAY!

What I'm watching: Fall tv has arrived, and I can't be happier. I was most looking forward to "Veronica Mars" and am psyched that it's back. I also watch Top Model, and those are really the only two shows I live for. Everything else I can kind of take or leave (sorry, CSI crew!). By moving into my new apartment, I also now have a premium cable package with on-demand access to all the movie channels which rocks. I'm able to catch up on all the HBO shows I've never been able to watch (I haven't had cable for a year) like "Rome" and various others. Whee!

What I'm reading: I recently read "Tiny Ladies in Shiny Pants," by Jill Soloway, a writer on "Six Feet Under." It was an amusing look at her teenage sex life, her views on feminism, tv writing...all kinds of stuff. It was hilarious, and I read it in one day. I also re-read "To Kill a Mockingbird." I had forgotten how much I love that book. My current subway reading is "My Antonia," by Willa Cather. My interest was sparked after I watched an episode of "American Masters" about her on PBS. I vaguely remember watching a tv movie that was made of the book, and I think it starred Neil Patrick Harris, AKA tv's Doogie Howser. I'll have to check that one out to make sure I didn't dream it. (And really, who doesn't dream of a tv movie of "My Antonia" starring Doogie Howser?)

What I'm doing online: Besides reading my friends' blogs and also blogs published by various strangers, I always am checking out cheesy celebrity gossip sites to catch fugly pictures of celebs to share with my friend Orna. My friend Michelle and I are also lately obsessed with finding people we went to high school or elementary school with via Myspace. Even though Myspace is so geeky, it's been fun.

What I need: I need to lose 20 lbs, buy a new computer, to make more money, to eat dinner soon, since I'm hungry, I don't know. I need many things.

So I've been thinking...

2005-10-02T23:36:00.000-04:00

I am not ashamed to carry a keychain that says "I Love Dance," given to me by a former dance instructor.

I am not ashamed to love romantic movies--the more tragic the better. I totally tried to be a Titanic hater, but now you'll find me speaking lines along with Kate Winslet and tears running down my face.

I am not ashamed to love opera music. It's something that is just beautiful for the sake of being beautiful. And yes, I catch myself closing my eyes and really getting into it on the subway--particularly during any aria that Mario Lanza sings.

I am not ashamed to put myself out there and love somebody. I think someone loving you is a gift, and one that you should treasure.

I am not ashamed to be addicted to cheesy tv shows. I'm the first one to admit that I have pretty good taste in television: Arrested Development, Veronica Mars... But then there's stuff like Cold Case and America's Next Top Model.

I am not ashamed to love and wear religious jewelry, even though I'm not particularly religious.

I am not ashamed to want to feel special and appreciated, and (gasp!) loved.

I am not ashamed of my insecurities.

I am not ashamed that I don't go out most weekends. I've accepted that I'm kind of a loner and that's just how it is.

I am not ashamed to want material possessions like, say...expensive handbags, glasses, shoes, perfume...

I am not ashamed to admit that I want a husband someday.

I am not ashamed that I noticably ogle babies in public.

I am not ashamed that I enjoy sex and desire it.

I am not ashamed to hate beloved movies: Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, The Sound of Music...

I am not ashamed to buy cute lingerie, even if nobody is going to see it.

I am not ashamed that I dislike Magnolia cupcakes.

Basically, I'm not afraid of who I am.

Holy Shit

2005-09-26T18:17:00.000-04:00

Guys, I don't know if you have heard this yet, but amid all the recent celebrity breakups (Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston) there is one truly crushing breakup that has recently occurred. It hurts to even discuss it. Yes, people, that's right--Tori Spelling and her no-name husband have broken up after a mere 14 months of marriage. And this "news story" warrants a spread in People Magazine.

Want to know the best part? The wedding cost a MILLION DOLLARS. Now, one million dollars for her father is probably nothing. But a million fucking dollars for a wedding and the marriage is over in 14 months. Wow. Just...I don't even know what to say. I'm sure that she got to feel like a pretty princess that day (and frankly, if you're the daughter of Aaron Spelling, you have enough money to make you feel like a princess EVERY day), but seriously, a million dollars? I swear to God, they better have donated at least that much to hurricane relief, because...really. I still can't wrap my head around a million dollar wedding.

Here's to you, Tori and your colossal waste of money.

Sweet Surrender

2005-09-23T11:28:00.000-04:00

So the vending machine at work totally sucks, except for one bright, shining spot. The refrigerated, perfectly chilled Hostess Cupcakes. You all know what I'm talking about:

That sweet, dark chocolate cake, the "frosting" with the little white swirl that peels off in one whole piece, the mysterious goop in the middle...

These are the bane of my existence at work. They are the perfect temperature, delicious and only cost one dollar! My grandparents used to keep a box in the refrigerator at all times, just waiting for you to come and grab at your leisure. Hmm...I wonder how I ended up with this stunning physique.

The Hostess Cupcakes go fast from the machine, since the only other sweet candy options are Snickers and Peanut M&Ms. But every time I notice they have been refilled, I'm overcome by conflicting feelings: happiness that the most sublime treat (and the coldness factor has most to do with it for me personally) is now available again, and the dread that I will soon be ingesting (probably) several packages of them over the next weeks.

Of all the Hostess products, these are my favorite, though cold Ding Dongs are delicious too. I was never a Twinkie girl, though.

Dilemma

2005-09-21T09:52:00.000-04:00

Before we get started, say hello to my new favorite shoes:

They are from JCrew, flats, and yes--your eyes are working, RED PATENT LEATHER! They are truly awesome and comfortable.

So. My dilemma. I've been informed that my two New York best friends are moving back to Phoenix. Like, in just a couple weeks. They'll be gone by November. After I overcame the inital shock and sadness of their departure, I started to sort of freak out about what this means for me. (yes, it's "all about me again," Leo).

What scares me about this situation is that they are really my safety net here--I have friends here that I talk to often and hang out with, but John and Jay are pretty much my "family" in New York. They are the ones I see and talk to daily, and I know I can depend on them. Once they are gone, who do I really have here?

So now I have a dilemma about whether to stay in New York or move back home to Phoenix. Since I'm incapable of thoughtfully formulating what I want to say and tend to write on the fly, I will present my (usually) conflicting thoughts on the subject in bullet format:

--I have a place to live definitely until April. After that, I will need to find a new apartment (ugh), all with no cushion of extra money or anyone to help me move my shit. But, a friend's roommate is probably going to be moving out in the spring, and I could move in with my friend. The bad part? Rent would go up by $300. I could swing it, but I wouldn't want to.

--I love New York. Like, LOVE it. But then I think of all that's in Phoenix: my family, all of my childhood friends, various babies I'm missing out on them growing up, my 95-year-old grandfather...I just wonder if it's a wise exchange to trade all those people I love and who are a support system just to live someplace cool.

--I don't know what I would do in Phoenix for a job. I don't personally know of any ad agencies there, or even if that's what I really want to do for a career. However, I do know that there are countless opportunities in New York as far as work for me, so I'll probably find something I love.

--Fear is a big obstacle for me in this situation. I most likely would never have moved here if not for John and Jayson being here. So without them, what am I going to do? I have NOBODY. I'm scared to be alone in this city, scared that my already loner-ish tendencies will grow even greater and I'll have this empty life of going to work, going to the gym and watching tv in my apartment. And this sounds soooo shallow, but I'm afraid those tendencies will prevent me from having a husband someday. In theory, one doesn't "need" a husband to be happy, but it's something I want. Basically, I'm afraid to be alone.

--I know if I went back, I could go home to my parents' house. They would totally LOVE it, too. My dad tells me they've resorted to cooing over the dog all the time because they have no more kids to be absorbed with in the house. I could stay there as long as I wanted, working and saving up money until I figured out what I wanted to do, and then move out into my own place. I really liked living at home, so that wouldn't be an issue.

--It sounds dumb, but if I were to go back to AZ, I think I would be disappointed in myself that I only "lasted" one year here. Does that make sense? God, it's the lamest thought ever, but it's in the back of my mind.

--I am sick of "starting over." I did that when I moved here, plus I got a new job within this year of living here. So I've "started over" twice now, I don't want to do it again by moving back to Arizona. Does that make sense?

I know this is all madness, and I'm the first to admit that it's mostly a way for me to get out all these thoughts in a sort of concrete forum so I can begin to process the situation. At any rate, I have until April to decide, and your thoughts are welcome.

To change the subject a little bit--you may notice that I have a problem with putting my emotions or feelings into coherent sentences. (Remember what you just read about me moving to AZ? That's what I'm talking about.) I read several blogs regularly, as well as various internet publications, and one of my favorite things is to come across someone who is able to say something I've been thinking or feeling in a compelling way. You know when someone is just so right on and makes you think "YES--this person has put into words what I've been thinking but unable to say. The latest instance was yesterday when I read the blog Eurotrash (http://www.upsaid.com/eurotrash/), one I don't even remember how I discovered. Anyway, she was talking about various things and I came across this statement:

"I'm not sure what the worst part of falling for someone who doesn't want you is: the crushing disappointment, or the knowledge that you've made a huge giant tit out of yourself."

This just hit me as so simple, so true and a perfect way to say it. Anyway, I thought I'd share.

Okay Arizona peeps, I know you will be biased and want me to come home, but try and keep it neutral, okay? :)

The Red Face Diaries

2005-09-16T15:28:00.000-04:00

So, Matt and Lisa have both posted some "class memories" in their blogs, ( I would link them here, but I am too lazy, so just click on their links on the sidebar, okay?) so I thought I would add a story here. Mine is more along the lines of Matt's: an embarrassing childhood classroom story. Some of you have probably already heard this, but it will be undoubtedly hilarious again. So here goes. I call it "The Time I Farted in 4th Grade."

Back in 1990, when I was an adorable fourth grader, we had to do that Presidential Fitness test in PE. I'm sure everybody remembers it. There was the mile run, pull ups (or in the case of the ladies, the "bent arm hang," which I lasted all of 1 second doing), and the activity featured in this little story, sit ups. (There were more, but I can't remember them).

The class was divided up into partners, and mine was my friend Gigi. Your partner held your feet down so you could do more, and also kept count of how many situps you completed in one minute. There's no easy way to put this folks. I farted while doing the sit ups. Yep. Looking back, I feel bad for Gigi, who thought she had an easy job, but ends up getting farted at. Needless to day, I was mortified. And all of my classmates heard it, of course.

So at the end, my PE teacher called your name out and you had to tell him how many sit ups you did. When my name was called I said, "thirty seven" (which might actually be the right number--I just seem to have it in my head and associated with this story). Right after I said that, Scott Meeks said, "and a fart!" And everyone laughed at me. Scott was also the genius who coined the term "Lani Abraham Lincoln" as an insult/nickname for some reason.

That's my story. Thankfully, I've been able to avoid farting in front of others ever since.

Mamma Mia

2005-09-08T14:59:00.000-04:00

So I'm feeling sad. More like a fucking wreck lately. It's for reasons that are too complicated to try and describe here. This is what I would look like if I were a young African-American boy:

Anyway, being this upset has left me with my first real, palpable feeling of homesickness. But not to be home in Phoenix--basically, I just want my mom. Because I know that I could tell her about my problems and cry and she'd hug me and comfort me and go get ice cream with me. You know that feeling of your mom hugging you? Like you feel how her skin feels and her smell and that comforting touch? That's what I want.

And I'm just going to say it flat-out: my mom is awesome. Yes, we totally fight like crazy and I get really frustrated with her sometimes or she makes me want to break stuff, but it doesn't matter because she is awesome.

Some kickass things about my mother:

--She was pregnant with me when my parents got married. Yeah Mom!

--She has this magic touch with crying or upset babies (Diana, you know what I'm talking about). Seriously, put the crankiest baby in her arms, and she can work some kind of magic to get the kid to be all quiet and content.

--She picks up slang/cuss words that my brother and sister and I say. For example, when my brother recently went on a date, my mom told my sister "I just hope she's not a ho-bag." Who else's mother calls someone a ho-bag? Awesome!

--One time she was really mad at my brother and yelling and trying to think of something to say or call him, and she finally sputters out "ass-butt!"

--Every time I call out "Rob!" to get my sister's attention, my mother thinks I'm calling her and goes "what?" Every. Time.

--She loves chocolate, which means there is always something delicious in the house. Those Weight Watchers fudge bars--yums!

--She is totally supportive of anything you do. Taking dance lessons? She wants you to demonstrate. Learning Italian? Speak some of it to her. And on and on.

--One of her classic sayings is "You call it being nosy, I call it being interested." This is most often said when you express dismay at the fact that she ALWAYS asks who you were talking to after you hang up the phone.

Anyway, that's just a little taste of what I love about my mother. It's sad to be so far away from her, especially right now. So yeah, that's just some stuff I was thinking about.

Some other random thoughts:

Dude, I seriously hate the Black Eyed Peas. There are two songs that are currently played on "Hot 100" and they make me want to firebomb the station. Make it stop!

Okay, that was only one random thought. Anyway. Carry on.

And confidential to one specific person who might read this someday: I love you. I'm sorry. 'Bye :)

Tag Team, Back Again

2005-08-29T17:09:00.000-04:00

Wasn't that the name of the group that, uh, performed the song "Whoomp, There it is?" I use the word "performed" because I don't even know what to call that song. I mean, does someone really want songwriting credits for it?

Anyway, Trish has tagged me to publish Seven Things I Will Never Do. Here we go:

1. Wear overalls. It should be a crime for anyone over the age of ten to wear them. Unless you are Tom Sawyer and you are whitewashing a fence, they are forbidden. Gross. Just look at them:

2. I will never, ever eat shrimp. I refuse to put any creature into my mouth that looks like a fetus with antennae. I don't care how good it tastes or how much butter is involved.

3. I will never receive a blow job. This is because I do not have a penis.

4. I will probably never own a first edition of my favorite book, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, by Carson McCullers. I figure that if I have a few extra grand laying around, it's probably going to be used to buy a handbag or shoes or some crap. But I doubt that it will ever happen that I have a few extra grand laying around.

5. Something I will probably never do, but wish I would be able to do, is attend an Abba concert. They claim a reunion will never happen, but Frida, Benny, Agnetha and Bjorn, if you're reading: PLEASE MAKE MY DREAM COME TRUE!!!!

6. Speaking of music, I will NEVER purchase an Ashlee Simpson record. Or illegally download her music. I get dry heaves just thinking about it.

7. And the final thing I will never do is run a marathon. It's pretty unlikely that I'd even walk one. I have a personal belief that running is torture.

There ya have it, folks! I don't have anyone else to tag since Trish got 'em all. Well, exccept for Leo, but I seriously doubt he'll post. Maybe you'll do it in my comments section?

Wow

2005-07-20T17:57:00.000-04:00

So there's a bunch of crap going on right now, but I thought I would post some pictures of random stuff that made me laugh recently.

The first is this ad that is currently on the subway for this line of "sexy" novels called Zane. I guess they are geared toward African-American women, since the ad depicts three chicks reading the sexy novels and this guy who is apparently all scandalized by them. Or thinks the ladies are all sexy because they are reading softcore pornography novels. One night, I was riding home semi-drunk and the ad just made me laugh hysterically for the whole ride home. So I took a picture of it. Look at the guy and how the novels are "blowing his mind" :

The second two photos are from a trip to the beach I took with my cousin, Katie. There was this thugged-out guy in full gangsta gear sitting near us, and he had the WORST teeth I have ever seen. Jacked-up, uneven, protruding, with a bit of gold thrown in there for flavor. I was dying. I couldn't stop looking. So I pretended to take a photo of my cousin but really zoomed in on him. Here is the full shot of him, followed by a zoom on the teeth. It's kind of grainy but awesome nonetheless. Yay for thugs. Or thugz.

Long Weekend

2005-07-05T15:09:00.000-04:00

So my cousin Katie arrived in town on Friday, and we proceeded to head to my favorite neighborhood bar, Alligator Lounge. I don't know if I've posted about Alligator Lounge before, but it is AWESOME. You get a pizza with your drink. Not a slice, not a mini "personal pan" pizza--like a small pizza all to yourself. For free. FREE! It's the best. So for me, I buy one Stella for $5, give the bartender $1 tip, and get a pizza also. Six bucks for a huge meal and a beer. Did I say it was awesome?

So the other cool part about Alligator Lounge is that there's a back room with a jukebox and some old video games. My friend John and I like to play various early 90s songs and laugh about them. We always play "None of Your Business" and "Shoop" by Salt N' Pepa, and "That's the Way Love Goes" by Janet Jackson. There are others, but we ALWAYS play at least the Salt N' Pepa. Katie and I spent several dollars playing some kind of deer hunting game with a bright orange "shotgun." At first I didn't realize that you had to pump the shotgun before each shot, so I was firing away and never hitting anything. Dork! Then, after you've bagged a bunch of Bambi's Moms, you get this bonus turkey shootout that is fun as well. Every time you shoot a turkey, it flies up into the air and then turns upside-down and falls back down. I was laughing hysterically the whole time, and it wasn't just because of the three beers I drank. Also funny was this "hunter" that tells you how you made a good shot and whatnot.

See me below going gun-crazy:

Here's Katie, poised with concentration, ready to kill some deer:

So that was fun.

On Saturday, we spent most of the day (after sleeping in to a ridiculously late hour) at Coney Island, dodging seaweed and Doritos bags in the water. The rest of the time was spent chugging beer on our towels. Coney Island is fun in a grimy, dirty, white-trash way. I love it so much!

Sunday we visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and I swear my feet were going to fall off. I love my cousin, but she made me look at every single piece of decorative art and furniture housed in the musuem. We spent close to 5 hours in the museum, and we didn't see any of the Islamic, African or Asian art. My favorite areas were the Frank Lloyd Wright room and the rooftop garden. Here's a view from the rooftop garden of the Central Park trees below and buildings in the distance.

For the 4th of July, we went to Rockaway Beach, which could not have been more different from Coney Island. It was relaxing and quiet and not too crowded. The water was great and it was a fun day. Until...the train ride home when my sunburn began to manifest all over my body. Yes, tender parts are now bright red, including, but not limited to: the tops of my feet, my upper thighs and my favorite, that fleshy part above your boobs and near your armpit. Who knew how painful that area could be when sunburned? OW!

We watched fireworks from the rooftop of my coworker's apartment on 34th street. It was weird to think that one year ago, I was sitting watching fireworks on a lawn chair at Glendale Community College with my six year old cousin, and now I'm on a rooftop in Manhattan, drinking a beer and watching fireworks shot from the East River. Life is funny.

All in all, it was a fun weekend, and I'm sad to be back at work. Not that I'm doing any work, as you can tell from this long-ass blog.

Ow

2005-06-30T14:35:00.000-04:00

Ow
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

A gruesome story for you all today...

So today at work, while constructing a cd case insert, I cut my finger with an X-acto knife. Not a normal cut, but actually sliced an entire piece almost all the way off the side of my finger. Now the tip of it has this big skin flap that's dangling off.

After I did it, I dropped the X-acto knife and stumbled my way into the office kitchen, the nearest place that has paper towels. So OF COURSE as I'm getting all teary and trying not to pass out, a coworker, Jon, is in there making some coffee. He catches me crying and watches the paper towel turning red with blood, and starts cracking jokes about how he'll announce my injury over the loudspeaker and stuff--basically making me laugh. Which was really nice. He did tell me that gangrene was going to set in and I would be dead within 8-10 days.

Check me out with my wound I've been milking all day long. If anyone asks me to do something, I can say "I don't know if I can do that, I've had extensive blood loss today."

Anyway, it could totally be worse and I don't need stitches or anything. The irony isn't lost on me that the cd I was making was completely NOT work-related. That'll teach me.

My Friday Night, In Pictures

2005-06-27T10:46:00.000-04:00

So last Friday I had an opportunity to hop on a really nice boat and cruise around the New York harbor. It wasn't any cheesy touristy thing--a vendor we do business with owns a boat, so they invited us to come aboard and chill out on a Friday night. We almost didn't make it because of all the work going on in the office, but they held it for us. And I almost didn't go because I wanted to go to the movies (yes, by myself). But I went and it was a beautiful evening. The boat was gorgeous, and there was delicious catered food and gallons of booze. I had "several" Grey Goose vodkas with cranberry. I wasn't feeling too hot on Saturday though.

In other news, I totally did nothing all weekend but watch my Netflix and do laundry. Lazy weekends are my favorite.

Me

2005-06-27T10:30:00.000-04:00

Me
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

Here's me on the boat as the sun went down. The weather was perfect, the people were fun, and the Grey Goose vodka went down easy.

The crew

2005-06-27T10:29:00.003-04:00

The crew
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

Me and various coworkers, boozin' it up and chowing on the catered food. I want a boat now!

Jersey

2005-06-27T10:29:00.002-04:00

Jersey
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

The sun going down behind the New Jersey skyline. This is a shout-out to my Jersey readers. You all are wicked awesome!

Brooklyn Works

2005-06-27T10:29:00.001-04:00

Brooklyn Works
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

This pic is dark, but I like it. Brooklyn does work. It works for me!

Ahoy

2005-06-27T10:29:00.000-04:00

Ahoy
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

Look! A pirate ship! Actually, it's just some people on this sailboat. I just thought it looked so funny--such an old looking boat set against a backdrop of NYC. Awesome.

It totally wasn't 82 degrees

2005-06-27T10:28:00.001-04:00

It totally wasn't 82 degrees
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

The Jehovah's Witnesses are WATCHING YOU from their WATCHTOWER.

2005-06-27T10:28:00.000-04:00

Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

The sun going down behind Lady Liberty. It really was beautiful.

Good for a Laugh

2005-06-16T16:35:00.000-04:00

So I recently rediscovered an old email in my work inbox. It is the submissions by my coworkers for the yearly Valentine's Day Bitter Haiku contest. Frankly, my coworkers are a bunch of bitter, sick and hilarious motherfuckers. Here are some of my favorites:

Wide awake at night,
I like to watch you sleeping.
I'm in your closet.

N.B.

How was acting class?
Did you learn to act like less
Of a fucking slut?

G.K.

Diamonds, furs, are nice.
But not enough for me to
Touch old wrinkly balls

E.M.

Buz, give me a raise
And I promise to never
Have sex with your wife.

B.H.

The way you blow me
Reminds me exactly of
The way my mom does

B.H.

Yoga helped your thighs!
Now you can wrap your damn legs
'round even more guys.

G.K.

There are some that are WAY worse. But these were my favorites. I work with these people! I love my job.

I Love Vincent Price

2005-06-09T16:05:00.000-04:00

vincent_price4
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

I love any man who could make an entire career out of acting like a creep.

Plus he has that kickass speaking part in "Thriller." GOD it's so awesome, I can't even tell you. In fact, if there were some way to have his laugh at the end become my phone ringtone, I would.

You all might have noticed that I have posted THREE entries today. I am both (A) bored at work and (B) thinking about a lot of random crap.

Ciao, Anna Maria

2005-06-09T11:50:00.000-04:00

anne-bancroft01
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

So Anne Bancroft died the other day. While I haven't seen all of her movies, I consider myself to be a fan. I just think she was amazing--she looks so regal and yet has this edge to her where she looks like she'd kick the crap out of you if you forced her to. (I wouldn't have messed with her--she was from the Bronx!)

I think also she reminds me of my grandmother--how she aged is how Nana looked as she aged too. I guess maybe that's the Italian thing.

Anyway, another reason for my admiration is her 40-year marriage to Mel Brooks. I read this really great article/obituary at Salon.com, by Rebecca Traister, that talks about their marriage, and just the simplicity of their relationship. Here is a snippet of something Anne Bancroft said about her husband in an interview once: "I'd never had so much pleasure being with another human being. I wanted him to enjoy me too. It was that simple."

I'm just amazed by how she was able to put what we all hope for into such simple words--it squeezes my heart a little, just to read them.

And here is what Traister wrote about that quote:

"What a stunningly spare way to sum up the kind of visceral, nuanced connection we all hope to find someday. She wasn't talking about fireworks, just fun and love and a sense that she had found her match. She makes it sound so sure; when I read those words I wanted to believe that kind of surety is possible for all of us -- whatever hardships and complications must inevitably follow."

I have to agree with her.

Blame it on the Rain

2005-06-09T10:31:00.000-04:00

milli
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

It's officially summer in the city. The beautiful people are out in their sundresses and tanned skin and Euro-looking sandals. And there's me, with sweaty bangs and shiny face. But it's nice that it's warm again, even with the humidity.

People, I just realized that I've resorted to talking about weather in my blog. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Am I truly this boring?

I have a confession to make. I am sort of addicted to lame celebrity magazines and gossip websites. It's one of those things that inside, I KNOW its wrong, but I can't help it. Working at an ad agency where we receive all these magazines doesn't help--there just out, laying around, BEGGING me to look at whatever getup Mary-Kate Olsen is wearing or how skinny Lindsay Lohan has become. I like to think of myself as an intelligent woman, with interests in a diverse range of topics. But then there's this thing. The thing that makes me unable to change the channel from Entertainment Tonight showing Tom Cruise talking shit about Brooke Shields' postpartum depression.

And it's not like I'm impressed or amazed by celebrities and their antics. For the most part, I think they are incredibly stupid and annoying. Who cares if Angelina Jolie visited Africa? That's nice that she has her "cause," but aren't there more important things in the world? I'm constantly amazed and sickened by the celebrity culture we live in, and yet here I am, yet another person feeding into the media machine.

One of my coworkers is from Ireland, so she always emails me links to ridiculous, gossipy stories that are in the various UK rags. Then we discuss the story over email. Is this who I want to be? One of those insipid girls who calls celebrities by their first names like I know them? (Thankfully, I do not do this--with the exception of Michael Jackson and Mariah Carey, since they are icons and are therefore allowed to be called by first name only. Michael can also be referred to as "MJ").

So that's my confession. Here's another one: know what song I like? "Girl You Know It's True" by Milli Vanilli. Yeah I SAID IT! In fact, here is the intro (and a piece of art that will go down in history for its genius) to that song:

Random Girl: "So what are you doing back?"

Milli or Vanilli: "Well, I sat back and thought about the things we used to do together. They really meant a lot to me (awkward pause) you mean a lot to me.

Random Girl: "I really mean that much to you?"

Milli or Vanilli: "Girl, you know it's true."

And then it busts into the awesome beginning of the song.

I loved that song in 5th grade, and still do. And I don't care what you suckas think about it :)

2005-06-07T11:36:00.000-04:00

IMG_0729
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

Look at my hair in this picture. I love humidity!

2005-06-07T11:35:00.000-04:00

Jackass 1
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

Lani Goes to Washington

2005-06-07T10:17:00.000-04:00

vacation
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

This weekend I went to visit Leo in Maryland. His town, Frederick, is very cute and the houses are so gorgeous. I want to live in all of them. In New York City, of course! Haha. I was amazed ad how green and beautiful the area was. Trees everywhere! So nice.

My second day there, we went to Washington D.C. I have finally visited our nation's capital! I was filled with patriotism and love of country and pride and annoyance at slow walkers. We visited the Smithsonian--the American History part. I don't know what to think about it, exactly. I guess I was totally expecting more. It seemed almost like a kid's museum, the way the exhibitions were set up. Maybe I'm subconsciously comparing it to the Metropolitan Museum of Art here in the city, which was very impressive and had a TON of items (not just art--some artifacts and whatnot). So...I don't know. It was cool, though. And I really loved the exhibit of the dresses worn by first ladies. Mary Todd Lincoln was TINY. Well, they all were. After that, we went to the sculpture garden and then walked around and ate. This picture is him by the "Colossal Head" sculpture outside of the Smithsonians. I just think that the title of "Colossal Head" is hilarious. Because I'm 12 years old, apparently.

Sunday I got to visit Gettysburg, which was REALLY exciting for me, since I just re-watched that Ken Burns Civil War documentary a couple months ago (yup--all eight hours of it!). Leo and I had a "disagreement" over which was the bloodiest battle of the entire war. I was pretty sure it was at Antietam, but he maintained that it was Gettysburg. Not to rub it in, but I checked and I was SO RIGHT!!!! Anyway, Gettysburg was totally beautiful and serene and all green--it's hard to imagine the horror and the blood and gore that took place there. It's sad to look in the cemetery where there are hundreds of soldiers buried by their regiment, and they are unknown--for instance, I think NY had 400 something, all marked by little marble stones with a number carved into it. We stood there and talked about how crazy it was that there were just hundreds and hundreds of bodies buried there. Sad.

But all in all, the trip was fun and I can't wait to go back. It's so nice to get out of the city and see trees and ride in a car and meet people with manners...

Better with Age

2005-05-27T15:41:00.000-04:00

Papa with Hat
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

So this is my grandfather at my little cousin Mallory's birthday party. Papa is 94 years old and a huge goofball. Isn't this a cute picture?

He is really random. He will rarely eat breakfast, and will have like a slice of bread and a glass of water for lunch. Then just eat a normal dinner that my aunt Kathy makes. I guess he apparently drank a Dr. Pepper at the party. I've NEVER seen him drink a soda in my entire life.

Papa is what you call a "teaser"--he will just give you a hard time and tease you ALL THE TIME. Something he also likes to do is make annoying references to my weight. He hasn't done it in a while, but when I was younger, he would say stuff like "WOW, you almost flew out of my arms!" when I hugged him. And he didn't mean because I'm light, if you know what I mean. Another incident was at this Christmas party at my cousins' house, where he felt the need to loudly proclaim that if my brother and I both jumped into the pool, "there would be no more water left in it." Nice, huh?

At least I have a sense of humor about it though! He is really an interesting guy. He tells fun stories about what life was like for him as a kid and stuff. He writes me these really cool letters and talks about how when he was 15, his parents took him out of school to become an apprentice baker to help support the family. He was the oldest of 10 kids, and he is the only one left.

So this entry is totally just like a personal journal entry and totally not funny. Sorry, guys! I just wanted to show you all the cute picture of my grandpa. Yay Papa!

Look at my beautiful new bedspread!

2005-05-25T13:49:00.000-04:00

My Bed 2
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

From Urban Outfitters. I only buy stuff there because a friend works there and I can abuse his discount.

Addendum to Music Post

2005-05-25T10:15:00.000-04:00

OurLove
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

So I thought of another song that is really meaningful to me and that I love beyond words. Yesterday I was walking to the train from work, and a song came on my iPod that is just...the best. It's "Queen of the Surface Streets" by DevotchKa, and it is so romantic and beautiful. It's on iTunes, so download it, suckas! (On a side note, iTunes is so confusing--it has like NO old Madonna songs, and yet has DevotchKa...weird!!!)

So this photo is me and Mimi last summer at the DevotchKa concert in Phoenix. We're with Nick Urata, the lead singer, who we love and adore. He's incredibly nice and shy about us telling him how much we love his music and shows and stuff. Mimi hates this picture of her, but I'm posting it anyway!!! Sigh...that was such a good time and a fun night. It was just a few months before I moved away, so it reminds me of a time of upheaval and change and stuff. But I still had the constant of my "sister" Mimi, and our love for DevotchKa! Aw.

Tagged by Trish

2005-05-24T15:30:00.000-04:00

So Trish tagged me on her blog to answer these questions. Again, I am blogging twice in one day. Can you tell I'm bored at work? But I do love these "get to know you" things. So here you go everybody:

Total volume of music files on my computer: I have a little more than 4 GB on my iTunes, which equals about 1200 songs on my iPod.

The last CD I bought was: Gavin DeGraw "Chariot"

Song playing right now: "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles. Yeah, that's right.

Five songs I listen to a lot or mean a lot to me, in no particular order:

1. "Suffragette City" by David Bowie. Like Trish, I also have to give a shout-out to Mr. Bowie. This song just makes my day and I could listen to it over and over again. I usually listen to it as I walk around the city, and it's really hard to refrain from doing some sort of "dance-walk" or strut as I'm listening.

2. "Ave Maria". This song has been played or sung at every funeral for someone I've loved. It's just so beautiful and I just hear the first few notes and start tearing up.

3. "Like a Prayer" by Madonna. This is just one of my favorite songs ever. Simple as that. LOVE IT!

4. "El Tiburon" by Proyecto Uno. This is another "party song" that just makes me smile and laugh as I walk down the street. If I had a car, I would smile in my car. Or car-dance.

5. "La Vie en Rose" by Edith Piaf. If I ever get married, I want to dance to this song at the reception. Everyone knows the tune--it's the tune that is always playing in the movies when people are in love in France. Or in love and they go to France. It was also prominently featured in that movie "Love Me if You Dare". Again, I could listen to this song over and over again--it just makes you feel like the world is okay and there's the possibility that someone loves you and everything will be rosy and beautiful.

Who are you tagging and why? Um, Trish already tagged all my friends. Except for Leo, but since he "hates blogspot" I doubt he will answer this and post it.

Don't you all feel that you understand and know me better now? Aw! Sharing.

Me on wall

2005-05-24T11:56:00.000-04:00

Me on wall
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

Photo Wall

2005-05-24T11:09:00.000-04:00

Photo Wall
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

So they put this photo wall up at work. We all had to go see this photographer, Helena, who took our photos and tried to have our "personalities come across" in the photo. Apparently, my personality is vampy whore. Because my photo looks really weird to me. We were supposed to bring items or clothing that really shows our "personality" or something you are into, like a hobby. So I brought some of my belly dance items, like my veil and my finger cymbals. So she took all these great photos of me doing some pretty hands near my face that show off the zills, but they ended up using this one where I'm just looking at the camera. Except my lipstick is really dark and the veil is wrapped around me. I just think it's bizarre looking.

NY Celebrity Sightings

2005-05-20T15:53:00.000-04:00

IMG_0562
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

Today's post is random. But I can't really think of much to write today, but since I don't have internet access over the weekend, I didn't want to leave you all thirsty for my hilarious blogs. (Say "hilarious" in a bad used car salesman voice).

This is a photo of my brother harassing our dog. He has this uncanny ability to speak in a certain voice and it will just immediately rile her up. It's really cute because she's annoyed, but she still loves him. She'll growl and show her teeth, and two seconds later lick him to death. Everybody else has really cute photos of their pets, so I thought I'd throw mine on. Except she's not really my pet anymore because she lives in Phoenix with my parents and I left to move to the big, bad city.

I'd post about the CSI finale last night, but Matt beat me to it, and my thoughts on the show are located in his "comments" section.

Something I was thinking about the other day (and Diana, this will hopefully "take you back") is this certain Italian class I took where we just had the best mix of people in there. That was my first semester where I really became friends with Diana (outside of class, and thus "outside friends"). We also had this other friend, Rebecca, who made us laugh on a daily basis. Also in that class was this certain man. A man known to us as Handsome John. And believe me, this guy was handsome. Not cute, not "hot"...just handsome. He was kind of "crunchy" in that wearing Greatful Dead clothes and athletic sandals way. But he was definitely handsome. Also in that class was Ugly John. Though he was not hideous or anything, we felt we had to differentiate him from our beautiful Handsome John. HJ had this smile...WOW! I wonder what ever happened to him.

So for the NY celebrity sightings: nobody really incredibly famous, but it's something. So on Tuesday at the gym, I saw that Chris Judd dude that was married to Jennifer Lopez for like 2 months. Then, the other morning I was walking to work and ended up walking next to B.D. Wong who plays the forensic psychologist on Law & Order: SVU. Homeboy is short. But I was thrilled, since that's my favorite of the L&O franchise. On that note, I will leave you for the weekend. Hopefully I'll have some crazy adventures this weekend to regale you all with on Monday. Catch you later, suckas!

Marry Me, Gil Grissom

2005-05-19T10:53:00.000-04:00

Tonight is the two-hour, Quentin Tarantino-directed season finale of CSI. To say that I am excited would be a gross understatement. That is all.

A Brand New Day

2005-05-18T15:48:00.000-04:00

IMG_0670
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

So, normally I would think that two posts in one day is a little excessive. That was until the arrival of this new, magical machine into my life. This is the new coffee machine at my office. Before we had this urn where you pressed a little button and the coffee came out. The only problem was that you had no idea if the coffee in there had just been made or if it had been sitting there for days. Gross!

But that was then. Now we have this AMAZING Starbucks machine that not only brews each cup individually, it GRINDS the beans right before each individual cup, guaranteeing you the freshest cup of coffee possible. Not only fresh in the "it was just made" sense, but also in the FRESH! early-90s slang term for cool way. Yeah, we're bringing it back.

Went to the Met

2005-05-18T15:44:00.000-04:00

IMG_0668
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

So despite feeling icky this weekend, I did go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art with my friend Jill, who was in town for a wedding (and staying at my apartment). Since we are both cheapskates, imagine our delight when some dude handed her an admission button on his way out. So we only had to buy one admission! Instead of the steep $15 "suggested" price, we split it so we ended up only paying half. I think it's so weird that it's supposed to be "donate whatever you are able to donate" to visit museums, but there's this annoying pressure to pay the full, suggested donation price. I've never tried to pay less than what they ask for--maybe I should next time. I just turn into this weirdo who is all of a sudden afraid of what some teenager working at the admission desk will think of me. In reality, I'm sure they would forget me two seconds after I leave, but I always imagine them thinking something like, "wow, way to be a cheapo." Seriously, who cares what this person thinks of me?

The museum itself is really impressive. It's funny to be in such a gigantic building in New York City, because you are so accustomed to being in tiny, cramped spaces. The collections were amazing--tons of Picassos and a really great Impressionist area. My favorite, though, was the Ancient Egyptian rooms, with mummies and death masks and coffins and whatnot. They even had this re-creation of a tomb, with some modern parts and then the actual walls with hieroglyphics. The funny part was that there would be translations of parts of the walls, and it would say stuff like "take the goat" and that would be the only translation! Take the goat and do what with it? Bizarre.

This picture is of a statue in the European sculpture hall. I just liked her so much--she's all huddled over and naked. But rather than try and cover up her bathing suit areas (that term courtesy of Jen Levario my senior year of college), she's put it over her head instead. Because when you're naked and cold, cover your hair. Awesome.

The Passion of the Lani

2005-05-17T13:02:00.000-04:00

My Necklace
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

So, lately I've been on this religious jewelry kick. It first began when I purchased a St. Christopher medal necklace for my father's birthday. I thought it was cool, and I like the sentiment of being protected while you're traveling (Lord knows I need that on the subways!) so I got one as well. The necklace in this picture is one I just bought from Alisa Michelle Designs. I saw it in a magazine and had to have it. This will confuse many of my friends, as I have never been particularly into Jesus. But something about this necklace "spoke" to me and I just felt compelled to purchase it. I think it's because it looks like art, as opposed to the fact that it's a religious theme. OR WAS IT THE LORD PROPELLING ME TO BUY IT?

Sorry no funny rant or NY story for you all today. I was sick all weekend, and realized I couldn't really write about spending all day on the couch and watching Oprah. So...yeah.

Lani and Jayson

2005-05-13T15:10:00.000-04:00

Lani and Jayson
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

Look! It's me and my roommate, Jayson, in our apartment! Don't get mesmerized by my scary, red devil-eyes!

Drive Your Man Wild with These Sex Tips

2005-05-13T14:51:00.000-04:00

So I was reading this Cosmo magazine at lunch today (shut up! I get magazines free at work--it's a perk of working for an advertising agency) and came across this article that compiled its all-time greatest sex tips they had over the years. Let me tell you, this had me on the floor, laughing. Here is my favorite one:

Sex Trick 4 -- "Sweet Treat" June 2003

Erotic Instructions: Place a glazed doughnut around your man's member. then gently nibble the pastry and lick the icing...as well as his manhood.

Passion Payoff: Because a doughnut hole is small, you probably won't go past the head of his penis, which makes the trick perfect for showering attention on his most sensitive area.

Then it quotes some "sexpert" saying how it will feel good on the tip of his wiener.

It seems funny to blog about this, because the ridiculousness of this "article" is evident to even the least sophisticated of readers. I mean, come on! A doughnut? Wouldn't that be so messy and gross? And yes, the combination of sex and fatty pastries DOES sound good, but I don't see how anyone could pull this one off with a straight face. Maybe guys would like this? Gentlemen, you'll have to comment here and let us know if all the crap I've always talked about Cosmo's "writers" has been false. Maybe they really DO know what's going to drive my man wild! Yes, Cosmo, thank you for the awesome tip of putting champagne in your mouth and then sucking on a guy's balls. These people aren't hacks! They are just humble servants, trying to make all of us have spectacular sex lives. Thank you, Cosmo. Thank you.

Local Dead Rat

2005-05-11T15:48:00.000-04:00

IMG_0646
Originally uploaded by Superfantastik.

So this is a rat that's dead on the subway tracks at my stop. Just thought I'd share.

My First Blog

2005-05-11T13:41:00.000-04:00

Ah...a rite of passage. Now I can pour out my thoughts on life, rant about people's poor fashion choices and look like I'm hard at work at my desk if my boss walks by. Sweet.

So, I thought I'd begin my blog with a rant. Yes, a rant! Because this morning on the subway I was reminded of an occurrence I hate. And that is the couples who have to hold hands, embrace, kiss and stare deeply into each other's eyes on the train. Look, we all realize that you are in love. And hey, we're happy for you. But we all don't really want to have to gaze upon the two of you, "spooning" in the subway car. Many people will read my rant and think "oh, she's just bitter and alone and wishes SHE had someone to cuddle with on the subway." Not so. I'm all about being in love and happiness and whatnot, but frankly, I don't want to watch this all play out before I've had coffee in the morning. Or ever, for that matter. I know that the people engaging in this behavior think that their love is the most pure, special and amazing love affair in history, but I have to break it to them--you are nothing original. Plenty of people are riding the train with their significant other and refraining from caressing each other's faces, stroking each other's hair or gazing into their lover's eyes. We are not jealous of your love. We just don't want to see this shit. Sorry, we don't.

I just realized that this TOTALLY makes me seem bitter and jaded about love. But I swear I'm not! Hold hands all you want. Share inside jokes and special smiles. It's the annoying staring stuff and HAVING to be hugging for the entire train ride to Brooklyn that annoys me. I have a feeling I'm not the only one. These are the types of people who feed each other food at restaurants. GAH! It must stop.

I'll try and post some pictures up here soon. Smell ya later!